Sudden Death
The violence of a car crash or the swift death caused by a heart attack gives the individual no time to know what is happening. Even death that occurs a day or two after an accident, operation, or acute illness is too entangled with the treatment of the condition for the patient to realize that he or she is dying. There is little time for the physician to discuss the matter with the family, other than to warn them of the possibility. The patient rarely suffers, but the family is left unprepared and appalled by the disaster.
The family needs expert help from the physician, the nurses, and the clergy. Medical help can soften the initial grief. The children and relatives can help each other. The very fact that they are being constructive produces an unexpected strength to cope with funeral arrangements, lawyers, and the hospital. Friends and neighbors can help the bereaved family in a practical way by helping with the shopping and other domestic chores.
Adjusting to life after the sudden death of a loved one is difficult. The surviving relative needs a chance to talk over the death. The bereaved person may suffer from a feeling of guilt and needs encouragement and support. Grief sometimes takes the form of anger directed at the outside causes of death. The bereaved person is looking for someone to blame for the disaster. This feeling passes as the bereaved person’s normal perspective on life returns, but it can be alarming to the family and friends who are trying to help.
Acute and despairing grief is understandable and common after a sudden death. As grief lessens, the support and care of the family and friends can gradually be softened. The relative or friend can come to terms with the situation as he or she would have been able to do had the death been gradual and anticipated.
